WHAT IF?

What if this world is an illusion?

What if we don’t really die at all?

What if we simply step out of our worn out body into another beautiful and loving place?

What if we take our minds, our loves, our connections, our beingness, my “me” and your “you” with us?

What if there’s a plan?

Not only a plan but what if there’s a grand, heroic, divine master plan?

And what if we are wise and powerful enough beings to fulfill it?

What if our loved ones don’t really leave us at all?

What if they have the bigger picture from their broader vantage point?

What if they still wrap their arms around us?

What if they still love us even more than before?

What if there’s a deeper reason for this?

What if our souls are expanding with this process?

What if we are more than the flesh, blood and bone beings we think we are?

What if we are eternal and can catch up with our loved ones later for a new adventure?

What if they still call us Mummy or our names?

Would you feel better then?

Keep the faith.

 

Lots of love, Erica

THE SILVER CORD

Recently I had a dream about my lovely brother, Hamish. He has been my number one emotional support for the last five months and although he has a very big, busy business and an active life of his own, he is always ready to listen and to offer really good advice, with little time to talk about any problem he may have. I sometimes struggle with this as I want to be the helper. I want to be the person who cheers everyone else up! But I take his support and run with it, sticking his words up on my fridge to give me strength.

I so wish that I was the wise one giving my brother support. My wisdom is there, I know it, but it is clouded over with sadness much of the time recently. This wisdom seems to come a lot of the time when I am asleep and my mind stops the incessant thinking! I dream of my brother often and when I tell him what I’ve dreamt he is always astounded as it always relates to his life. Last week I had a dream about Hamie. He was with a group of people, not unusual as he attracts friends like honey to a bee. He was dressed really smartly with a crisp white shirt and dress pants. He looked like he was ready for a meeting. There was one other man similarly dressed, well to do, who was trying to convince my brother to tell white lies to get ahead in life, to cover up the truth in some way. My brother quietly refused and told the man that money wasn’t everything and that you didn’t need to be a millionaire to live a wonderful life, that life was there for everyone to find their own joy in their own way. It was at this point that I noticed my brother’s shirt. It had words written on it as if they had been impressed with a stamp many times over. The repeated message on the shirt he wore was “live life honestly.” He was wearing this shirt with this loud and proud message all over it. It hadn’t mattered what this guy had tried to convince my brother of, he knew he was a decent person and it shone through him.

So I rang my brother and told him about this dream. Just like the other countless dreams I’ve had of him, the whole message rang true. He told me what had happened literally the day before and the dream actually gave him support that his being truthful was of course the best path for him to walk down. I was able to give him the support I wished to and the opportunity to chat about his own life ad infinitum. But I know it came from a higher source than just “me”.

Now, I am not sure how this happens. I can and do dream of my brother all over the world – whether he is in Wanaka, Australia, England or an hour away from me here in Auckland. Every time I do, it is like I am looking in the window of his life and seeing exactly what is going on. How do I do this, I ask myself? Is it the silver cord that links my physical dreaming body to my soul and Higher Self – feeding me images to then relay to my brother? Is it just my soul and my brother’s soul communicating while we both sleep without the interference of our physical brains? Is it my guides sending me messages to pass onto him to give him support? Is it some of my loved ones in spirit helping me to help my dear brother who I love so much? I’m not sure, haven’t worked that out yet! What I do know and what brings me so much comfort, and it is my theme in my writing so forgive me for repeating myself again – there is more to life than meets the eye! There is more going on here. Our day to day lives are only a morsel of who we are. Our day to day lives and all the grief we feel are actually distractions away from who we really are and from what reality really is. Our souls, the eternal wise part of us and how it reveals itself to us is the most awesome part of this whole journey. It shows us that there is an eternal part of us that simply cannot die. Our loved ones’ souls don’t die either. We are all always connected. We will see our loved ones again, no-one will ever convince me otherwise. Ever.

Sometimes I think when a loved one dies we struggle to move forward with our lives in the faith that we will see them again in Heaven, because for some of us it feels like a bit of a booby prize, second best and that the main event is this current life. We don’t want them “there”, we want them “here”. We want them here to sit and have a steaming hot coffee with or to hear them laugh or to feel their warm embrace or to tell them in no uncertain terms while looking at their most precious, beautiful faces – I love you, and to know in definite terms that they got our message. But I know with this lovely dream that they do hear our messages; that we are not alone struggling through our sadness; that we are intimately connected to the world of spirit; that I am more than Me and you are more than You and this deeper part of us remains connected to those we love no matter where they are, in this world or in the next. The best we can do is to aim for moments of joy, encouraging our loved ones to come along for the ride, hoping they are there with us, remembering them, talking to them as if they were there – which I am certain they will be – giving ourselves the opportunity to enjoy this beautiful world until we are reunited with those we love so much. It’s all OK, or if it’s not, it’s going to be OK.

Thinking of you, lots of love xxx

 

HAPPY

“Mum, do you want to hear a song I made up?” my four year old Summer calls to me from the bedroom. “Oh yes please!” I exclaim. I sit down beside her and she begins strumming on her beautiful red, out of tune ukulele. “Happy, happy, I’m so happy. Can’t believe I feel so happy. Must be something special about today. Happy, happy I’m so happy. Can’t believe I feel so happy. Must be something special on the way. And I feel so happy today.” I clapped and cheered, knowing full well that this song was Summer’s own rendition of a Hi-5 song.

Hi-5 was Lily’s favourite TV program. It consisted of five beautiful young men and women who entertained children with stories, educational games and songs. One of their songs was called “Happy” and it was a big hit when my lovely Lily was here. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer three days after her second birthday. She had been sick on and off for two months, going to doctors and specialists regularly with none of them picking up the fact that she had terminal cancer. Most of them dismissing her grizzling as something that children just “do”. She would go to sleep each night and wake up soon after, crying. Night after night Lily and I got no sleep and I had nightmares that something was really wrong and that she was not going to grow up.

One afternoon in desperate need for sleep Lily and I lay down on my bed. She fell quickly to sleep. As I was drifting off, Lily woke and called my name crying. “Mummy!”

“I’m here Lily!” I said sternly. Surprised that she hadn’t felt my arms around her and annoyed that she had woken me. The guilt, remorse and sorrow I feel as I write these words make tears come instantly to my eyes. Despite the absolute agony my darling, brave girl must have been in, knowing I was upset and exhausted, she quickly took my face in her precious tiny hands and said gently and softly, “Happy.”

Lily was very self-contained. She didn’t need much in this world, but she needed me. If I was there she felt safe. She was ok. No matter how many procedures she had, if she could twirl my hair after she could bear it.

After Lily died, I did some temporary nanny work and time and time again I was faced with the reality of what I felt at the time were spoilt brats with no appreciation for their lives. How was it possible that my magnificent, soulful, knowing daughter was denied her life and these ungrateful children got to have theirs? Lily’s experience as a two year old was of invasive and excruciatingly painful and scarey daily procedures, day after day for three months on end, and these children had a tantrum if they couldn’t watch TV or have the newest toy. Lily’s life was cut short for certain, but she most definitely always had the fullness of my love. If Lily knew anything, she knew that she was loved. And what more do we really need? What more do any of us really want? What are all our actions about? They are about having someone to love us, to protect and defend us, to honour us and remind us that we are lovable just as we are.

At the end of the day, if you have someone to love, you have everything. The fact that you are grieving means that you do in fact have someone very special with whom you share this bond of love with. You may cry because you feel they are gone, but in truth they are not, they are just out of sight. Even if they are in the next world, love is love and that love is eternal. And love is all you really need, it’s all you take with you when you go and it’s being showered on you by your loved one in spirit with every step you take in the hope that your soul will be soothed until you are fully together again.

Much love to you beautiful people.

Erica

http://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1396725176&sr=1-1&keywords=soothe+your+soul+from+grief

 

 

THE INNER SPARK

It was August 2008, in the middle of the Beijing Olympics when the doctors sent us home with our darling Lily telling us there was no more hope and that she would be dead by the end of the day. When they told us, though it may seem strange to some, I was relieved. Finally my precious girl could live out her life in peace and dignity. I knew she would be rejuvenated by being able to leave the prison she had been in for three months and live longer than the single day they had predicted. I held my baby’s broken body in my arms as gently as I could as I knew every movement caused her excruciating pain, and I carried her away. “It’s OK Lily. I’m taking you home now.” I proudly told her. She had begged me to do exactly that for 84 straight days.
She lived another five weeks, going for long, long daily walks in the buggy always fabulously pointing the way, making up for lost time. We gave her all kinds of concoctions that specialists in America had given us in one last ditch attempt to save this jewel of a girl. We made her life as comfortable as we could, with our own heart’s breaking at every moment.
We would sit and watch the Olympic games on the TV. One such day, Lily sat twirling my hair with her delicate beautiful fingers. I heard her say something. It was so quiet. “We”. She was saying so gently “we”. I couldn’t work out what she meant until I took a closer look at the TV. It was the bob-sleigh event. One team was plummeting down the bob-sled course with unimaginable speed. What Lily meant to say was “Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!” but this darling two year old after three months of terror, trauma and suffering could only muster the slightest sound. “We”.
As I write this tears are burning my cheeks and stinging my eyes. But I find comfort knowing that Lily is here with me now. I felt her tickling my neck as I read Summer and Riley their bedtime stories. She wants this story told. That inner spark that was in Lily that made her want to jump up out of her dying body and cheer on the bob-sledders, is still in Lily. The desire of the human soul to experience joy and excitement is always there. It’s in you. It’s in me. It’s in your loved one who has returned to spirit and it was then and always will be in Lily.
The moment Lily left her body and it seemed that life had snuffed out her beautiful light, I know that her soul actually lit up with fresh vibrance and glowed with delight. Peace emanated from the core of her being. Freedom of her sick body burst out overwhelmingly around her and set her mother’s soul alight as I sat beside her on her death bed. I had a knowing in those profound moments that has never left me. My baby is OK. My little girl Lily is free at last, alive and well. Her light shines brighter than ever before and is infinitely ready for me to bask in it whenever I give her enough attention. I hope you feel your loved ones love wrap around you today and every day. Lots of love. Xxx

CONTEMPLATING LILY

I sat on my deck contemplating Lily, remembering her as best as I could. My mind started wandering and my communications with spirit floated into my consciousness. My grandmother came to mind, and I could clearly see she and Lily together – both feisty and spirited and full of love. I am certain Lily is growing up in spirit with my grandmother’s care and guidance. In these moments I longed to be the one raising Lily. She is seven now, and my memories of her are of when she was a tiny two year old. I imagined her alongside me as the beautiful seven year old she would be now.

Then I wondered, would I have appreciated her had she not died? I would have loved her, I could never stop my flow of love to her, but would I have found things to get me down and distract me from her beautiful presence? Would I have worried about inconsequential things and forgotten to give her that long embrace? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am changed since Lily’s death. I am changed for the better. I appreciate my life. I know that this current life is finite. I tell Summer and Riley a hundred times a day that I love them. I remind them of Lily and tell them that she is magic and still with us. I focus on filling our days up with fun and happiness and I work on my own inner issues so they don’t keep me down for long! I do this all because of Lily. I do this because I “lost” Lily.

Because I lost Lily, I try to understand the Universe. Because I lost Lily I search for meaning in my life. Because I lost Lily I embrace my life to the full. But I know I haven’t really lost Lily at all. She and I are just temporarily separated though part of us is always aware of our togetherness.

Life is precious. Our loved ones are precious. Embrace any opportunity to tell those you love that you love them. Embrace any opportunity to experience a moment of joy each day until the day comes when you find yourself reunited fully with that precious loved one in spirit who you now miss so much.

Lots of love xx

BE HERE NOW

Liz York from Feeling Fab, who arranges pamper days for grieving women, spontaneously came to visit me this afternoon laden with champagne and sweet treats. We chatted for a couple of hours and as she stood up to leave she left me with words I have heard a thousand times before but which hit a different chord with me this time.

She said something to the effect of “You can’t do anything about the past and you can’t do anything about the future in the most fundamental sense. You can only live in this moment here and now.” Many of us live a great deal of our time in our ‘minds’ and not in our ‘lives’. But by fully embracing the Now, even if it is full of sadness and then making the most of where we are, we can actually start to live again.

I am lucky because I mostly feel positive which makes it easier to focus on the positive. But I understand the pang of loneliness, I understand the sometimes paralysing fear of the great unknown, I understand depression and despair, I understand the anguish of not being able to hold in your arms the ones most precious to you. But I also understand that we always have a choice with each new moment that comes along as to how we are going to proceed.

Here we stand together in this moment, here’s the next moment, now the next. So what can you do with this moment? Can you make yourself an extravagant meal, really tasting every delicious mouthful? Or can you whip up a cheap and cheerful bowl of feel good nachos, with guacamole and sour cream? Can you watch a TV show that brings you joy? Can you hire your favourite movie that always leaves you uplifted? Can you read a funny book? Can you call a friend who inspires you with their positivity or is happy to listen to you share your feelings and let out some tears while unconditionally loving you. Can you walk in a beautiful place? Can you visit a cafe that always has good music on?

In your own not so wonderful moments, I would encourage you to ask yourself one little question. “How could I feel a little bit better?” You don’t have to jump around in ecstasy, you don’t have to do cartwheels or sing a happy song, but there will be something you can do to ‘self-soothe’ as my brother calls it.

You are here now. You are where you are and it’s OK. You don’t need to have it all worked out right now. Just be here now but at the same time reach for that nicer thought or that better feeling place and step by step climb out of your grief to a life of new hopes and new joys enjoying each moment the best you can.

Lots of love xox

http://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE

BE HERE NOW

Liz York from Feeling Fab, who arranges pamper days for grieving women, spontaneously came to visit me this afternoon laden with champagne and sweet treats. We chatted for a couple of hours and as she stood up to leave she left me with words I have heard a thousand times before but which hit a different chord with me this time.

She said something to the effect of “You can’t do anything about the past and you can’t do anything about the future in the most fundamental sense. You can only live in this moment here and now.” Many of us live a great deal of our time in our ‘minds’ and not in our ‘lives’. But by fully embracing the Now, even if it is full of sadness and then making the most of where we are, we can actually start to live again.

I am lucky because I mostly feel positive which makes it easier to focus on the positive. But I understand the pang of loneliness, I understand the sometimes paralysing fear of the great unknown, I understand depression and despair, I understand the anguish of not being able to hold in your arms the ones most precious to you. But I also understand that we always have a choice with each new moment that comes along as to how we are going to proceed.

Here we stand together in this moment, here’s the next moment, now the next. So what can you do with this moment? Can you make yourself an extravagant meal, really tasting every delicious mouthful? Or can you whip up a cheap and cheerful bowl of feel good nachos, with guacamole and sour cream? Can you watch a TV show that brings you joy? Can you hire your favourite movie that always leaves you uplifted? Can you read a funny book? Can you call a friend who inspires you with their positivity or is happy to listen to you share your feelings and let out some tears while unconditionally loving you. Can you walk in a beautiful place? Can you visit a cafe that always has good music on?

In your own not so wonderful moments, I would encourage you to ask yourself one little question. “How could I feel a little bit better?” You don’t have to jump around in ecstasy, you don’t have to do cartwheels or sing a happy song, but there will be something you can do to ‘self-soothe’ as my brother calls it.

You are here now. You are where you are and it’s OK. You don’t need to have it all worked out right now. Just be here now but at the same time reach for that nicer thought or that better feeling place and step by step climb out of your grief to a life of new hopes and new joys enjoying each moment the best you can.

Lots of love xox

http://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE

MIRROR WORK

Do you find that everyone seems to say the wrong things to you when you are grieving? Grief can be so debilitating that we can give into self-doubt and allow other people to have a tremendous impact on our mood. Others around us can tell us how to grieve, when to stop grieving, when to move on, when to let go and because we don’t feel good inside we start to take their messages on board. We hear the words of others and can sometimes allow them to colour our opinion of life and our opinion of ourselves. These conflicts can be very distressing and confusing and only add to our anguish. However, it is only when we allow the opinions of others into our soul that they can really have any long lasting effect on us.Once this happens, we then waste a lot of time and energy in trying to get our voice heard, for us to be right and others to be wrong, simply to prove that we are OK and that we are worthy, when most of us in fact feel we are not.

Recently I have been angry and upset with one person in my life and as I was brushing my teeth before bed one evening, I felt myself start to rehearse out loud what I would say to this particular person in an uncharacteristically unpeaceful manner. As I spoke, the anger grew. Then I looked up and continued my dissertation in the mirror. A moment passed and I felt myself gasp! Oh my goodness – I am actually telling myself all these horrible things! All the anguish this person had caused in me had built up within me until it came bubbling out in an angry tirade at myself instead of at the person who, in my opinion, deserved to hear it! But we can’t be unkind or angry with another without being unkind and angry with ourselves. We are all so intricately connected.

I once heard Deepak Chopra explain that “resentment is the poison we drink thinking it will harm our enemy”. This is exactly what I was doing mindlessly this Summer’s evening; filling my own heart up with bitterness and resentment, thinking by doing so I was making right a wrong done to me by someone else. Once I realised what I was doing I immediately cleared the air, waving my arms around flamboyantly in an attempt to clear bad energy away and then I started reciting my “I love you statements” to myself instead as I looked into my eyes reflected back to me in the mirror. I looked deep into my soul, slowly improving the buildup of angst I had just been creating, and replacing it with peaceful, “I am good enough as I am” kind of words, impressions and thoughts.

I decided in that moment that it was more important for me to be peaceful and self-loving than to be right and self-loathing. We hold ourselves apart from the peace we deserve in so many ways, by accepting the words of others as the truth, by giving into self doubt and by feeling guilty for the past but when we are grieving the loss of someone we love so much, sometimes the only way to get through is by thinking kind thoughts of ourselves and by giving ourselves a good dose of self-love. We need to remember that we did the best we could at the time.

I’d suggest taking a few minutes every morning and night to look into the mirror and say nice things to yourself. It works like magic in bringing your mood up. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. And no matter what anyone else may think of you, no matter what they may say about you, know with every ounce of your soul that you are good enough just as you are and you don’t need to prove it to anyone else but yourself. Lots of love. xx

I have a little book on amazon that may help ease your grief and uplift your spirits. It is 99 cents. Brightest blessings. Erica xx

 http://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE

 

MISS YOU MUMMY

My little boy Riley is two. His language is just taking off and he is pretty pleased with himself. Yesterday he climbed up onto my lap and gave me a cuddle. “Miss you Mummy!” he said as he hugged me. In line with his “game” I replied “Miss you Riley!”. He then smiled because that was his cue to swoon his favourite line to me “Miss you tooooooooo!” with a big grin and a giggle.

I had been playing along with this little dialogue for a while when I realised I needed to set him straight. “Riley, you don’t need to miss me my love, because I am right here!” He looked at me and processed what I was saying and then jumped down to play. Not sure if he took it in but as soon as I heard the words that came out of my mouth, I realised that the message I spoke was more for me than for my son.

If we can firstly accept the continuing existence of our loved ones in spirit, in the most real of real ways, and then relax and be calm enough to actually sit in the stillness and try to perceive their presence, we will realise that we don’t need to miss those who have gone before us as much as before. We can call their name and wait to feel them with us. They are still there. No we can’t see them. No we can’t hug them or kiss them or hear their voices, but if we fully realise that they are alongside us in spirit, we don’t need to miss them in the overwhelming way we did before but instead embrace their new form and soak up their beautiful true love and powerful support they still have for us.

I have a little book on amazon that may help ease your grief and uplift your spirits. It is 99 cents. Brightest blessings. Erica xx

LILY’S EVER PRESENCE

The strangest things happened to me a few days ago. I went out for a walk on my own, a rare occurrence as I usually have my two little people with me. But this day I was alone. I strode off out of my gate and along the waterfront where I live. A moment or two passed when I realised how tall I seemed. I felt like I was walking on a cloud. Somehow I felt elevated. I wondered if it was simply because I wasn’t pushing the buggy and looking down at the children that I felt so tall but something inside me thought there was a deeper reason for this beautiful sensation.

 Then I came to the beach. As I walked along the shoreline, I saw little pink footprints all around me. I had to keep blinking as I thought perhaps the sun had confused my sense of sight. These little pink footprints though, I had seen before when I had had a spiritual epiphany a few months before. The little pink footprints didn’t walk in a straight line either. They kind of skipped around in circles as if a little girl was dancing about with rainbow streamers. I put it down to an illusion, just my eyes playing tricks on me.

I walked along further, trying to release thought as much as possible, and to my delight and surprise, I looked down and saw a word in the sand beside me. One single word surrounded by a pristinely untouched beach. The word was “Lily” and it was written in beautiful floaty handwriting.

 Some could say these are unconnected coincidences, but this lovely name of my darling daughter brought me meaning to my other experiences. Had I felt taller because Lily’s soul had merged with mine and uplifted my spirits? Had my little girl been there with me through my experience and danced around me, loving me and supporting me with her sweetness and ever presence? Had the Universe transpired to have my daughter’s name drawn in the sand on a vast clear beach at the exact moment that I walked past? I would answer a resounding “yes” to all of the above.

 Don’t kiss your loved ones goodbye, for they are not gone. Magic is alive. Believe. Lots of love. ❤

 I have a little book on amazon that may help ease your grief and uplift your spirits. It is 99 cents. Brightest blessings. Erica xx

 http://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE